Loving A Hidden God

Discovery of Jesus

"In many and various ways" (Hebrews, 1:1) our Lord Jesus Christ manifested both his Divinity and his human kindness through the sacred scriptures. He did this (as was his custom) through evocative mysteries that told a story and through various sacred grace-giving acts. He did it this way so that those who asked for help might receive, those who sought the truth might find, and those who knocked might have the door to heaven opened to them.

Sermon 252, 1

Every human being seeks something to believe in, something that will make sense of their lives, something that will give them direction, something that will give them final happiness. Sometimes we choose badly. In our search for happiness some will put their faith in physical pleasure. Some will choose earthly success. Others will put their faith in wealth. Some put their faith in a human guru or philosophy or ideology that promises to give the answers to all problems. Finally, some just give up the effort and seek the oblivion of drugs or alcohol. For them "ecstasy" is a pill that gives temporary escape from the troubles of life.

Augustine's search for something to put his faith in included most of the above until finally he came to believe in a Man-God who had lived four hundred years before he was born. The final answer to his questions: "Who am I? What is God like? What is this world like?" came to him through his belief in Jesus Christ, the incarnate God.

Even though he had the advantage of "knowing" of Christ the man from his early years, his journey to discover Jesus-God was not easy. He did have the advantage of being born into an environment where Christianity was already flourishing in one form or another. Jesus was "known" even by the numerous pagan and mystical religions current in the North Africa of his youth. He also had the advantage of having a tolerant pagan father who did not stand in the way as his fervently Christian mother told him stories of the man Jesus who had lived so long before.

It is likely that the child Augustine (like most young children) had little understanding or belief in Jesus-God. As he would say later on, he respected Jesus as a noble human, but he did not yet believe in him as a God who should be adored. In Augustine's youth many other things were more important to him than Jesus. Even as a child he was driven by the ambition to "win" at games and be an earthly success and was not above using every means to achieve it. (Confessions, 1, ch. 17-19) In his early adolescence acceptance by friends seems to have dominated his life, prompting him to participate in group vandalism just so he could be part of the crowd. (Confessions, 2.4) When at 17 he began his advanced studies in rhetoric in Carthage, he admitted that at that stage of his life:

I was in love with love. To love and be loved was sweet to me and all the more if I enjoyed my loved one's body.

Confessions, 3.1

After reading the book Hortensius of Cicero he finally began to search for something more than satisfaction of his lusts for sex and a profitable career. He began to dream of finding "Wisdom", the revelation of what the world was truly like and what his place in it should be. (Confessions, 3.4) In pursuit of this wisdom he began to study the great philosophers of the past. For nine years he became a member of the Manichean sect, a mystery religion of the East that promised to answer all his questions, especially those about the evil he found in the universe and in himself. His belief in Christ (if he ever had it) had dimmed by now, but his memory and respect for Christ, kept him dissatisfied with the answers provided by the non-christian philosophers that he read. As he says of himself at this time:

I longed to embrace not this or that sect, but wisdom itself, whatsoever it might be. In my passion all that checked me from attachment to the various ideologies I studied was that Christ's name was not in them. Whatever lacked his name, no matter how learned and polished and truthful it seemed to be, could not wholly capture me.

Confessions, 3.4.8

This respect for the man Jesus did not at first cause him to investigate further. The story of Jesus was told in Bible and, as a sophisticated professor of rhetoric, he was more affected by the lack of style of the narrative than the story that it tried to tell. (Confessions, 3.5) Like some so-called "intellectuals" before and after, the stories of sacred scripture were "beyond belief" because they did not fit into the narrow confines of what the "smart" people of the day considered to be believable.

In his middle twenties (after a brief period of believing in nothing) Augustine's interest in Jesus the man reawakened. Through his study of Plato he had come to see the possibility of a reality beyond the physical and the possibility of a Divine Spirit being somehow involved in the physical world. The door had been opened to a belief in the presence of God in man, indeed the union of God and man in one person. But, as he admits, he was not yet ready to embrace that belief:

I was certain that you (O God) existed, that you were infinite, that you were immutable, that all other beings derive from you. Of all these things I was now certain, but I was still too weak to enjoy you. I talked like an expert in such things but I still had not sought the path you had laid out through Christ our Savior.

Confessions, 7.20.26

Even in his late twenties, Augustine was still not able to believe that the noble Man-Christ that he had known for so long was also Jesus-God, the savior of the human race. Not yet able to believe in the complete doctrine of the Incarnation, that Jesus Christ was both wholly human and wholly divine, he still dabbled with other explanations. As he writes:

I still thought of my Lord Christ simply as a supremely wise man, unequalled by any other human being. But I still could not comprehend and believe in the mystery declared in those words of scripture "The Word was made Flesh". (John 14:6) I still considered him to be a human being to be preferred to all others because of the excellence of his life and his great wisdom but it was only after this that I finally understood how those words "The Word was made flesh," distinguished the truth proclaimed by the Catholic faith from all those others who taught that Jesus was no more than a divinely inspired human being.

Confessions, 7.19.25

Augustine had come to revere the man Christ, but as yet he could not "believe" in the Christ who was God. Although he had begun to become dissatisfied with his career at the imperial court (he was the chief rhetorician), his personal life remained in turmoil. He was still plagued by his passions and his pride. His respect and even his reverence for the man Christ did not translate into a personal life change. It would take a belief and faith in Jesus-God to do that and it would take the grace of God to effect such a miraculous converting choice. As would later repeat again and again, such faith could only come as an unmerited "gift from God."

Like the rest of us, Augustine could not look into the face of Jesus and hear his spoken words. All he could do was to read the scriptures and listen to the stories that had come down to him through the Christian community. Through the grace of God this was the way in which eventually belief in Jesus-God Christ took the place of reverence for Christ the human being. His faith had begun in the discovery of the human Christ, but it did not become fruitful until he began to believe in the Divine Christ. He later described this process of discovery to the people of his church:

By Christ as man you wend your way to Christ as God. God is too much for you; but God became man. What was a long way away from you has come down right next to you through a man. The place for you to stay in, that's God; the way for you to get there, that's man. It's one and the same Christ both the way to go by and the place to go to.

Sermon 261, 7.

Finally gifted with faith, Augustine was able to know that Jesus was not only a man, he was also God. As he would later declare:

True man, true God; God and man: this is the complete description of Christ. To believe that Christ is God equal to the Father, and to believe that he is a true man who really suffered and shed real blood: this is the Catholic Belief.

Sermon 92, 3.

There is no question that this belief in the Incarnation was for him (and for any human being) an extraordinary belief. To be convinced that one and the same person could be both a human being of body and soul and also the infinite divine person who is the second person of the Trinity, can only be explained by a great gift of grace. Augustine accepted that it was a mystery beyond human understanding but at the same time he will insist (as Paul did in 1 Corinthians, 3.11) that anyone who denies either that Jesus Christ is truly human or truly divine cannot class themselves as a Catholic Christian. (The Enchiridion, 1.5)

Certainly in our attempt to discover the meaning and purpose of our existence it makes a great difference whether the teachings of Jesus are just those of a wise man or are indeed instructions from the mouth of God Himself. As the author of the Epistle to the Hebrews writes:

In times past, God spoke in fragmentary and varied ways to our fathers through the prophets. In this, the final age, he has spoken to us through HIS Son whom he has made heir of all things and through whom he first created the universe.

The Epistle to the Hebrews, 1.1-2

One must believe that Peter's declarations affirming the divinity of Christ (John, 6.68; Matthew, 16.16)

were strengthened by his later vision on the hill of Transfiguration when he heard the thundering words from the cloud:

        "This is MY Son, listen to him"

Finally coming to a belief in the Incarnation, Augustine's inquisitive mind prompted him to ask: "Why in the world would God do such a thing?" He came to understand that the primary reason for the Incarnation was that through Jesus God and Man the redemption of the human race was accomplished. Through the suffering a death of the God-Man Jesus, the gates of heaven were once again opened and it became possible for any human being (through the grace of God) to enter those gates and enjoy eternal happiness. God through the Incarnation gave every human being the chance, not only to have a happy human life but even to share in the happiness of God. God became man so that men might become like gods. (Sermon 192, 1) Christ shared our human life for thirty-three years on earth so that he could invite us to share his life in heaven forever. (Sermon 231, 5.) No wonder that Augustine would one day cry out to his listening congregation:

Awake humanity! For your sake God came to you as a human being. You would have suffered everlasting unhappiness, had it not been for this mercy. You would never have returned to life, had he not shared your death. You would have been lost if he had not hastened to your aid. You would have perished, had he not come.

Sermon 185, 1.1.

However humanity could have been redeemed in an infinite number of ways. Why was this dramatic way of becoming man and suffering death chosen? Augustine suggests may possible reasons. Perhaps the most amazing reason was that God wanted not only to be believed in. He wanted to be seen. (Sermon 225, 3) God wanted to be visible to human beings so that humans could not only listen to the words of Jesus-God but see him and (eventually through faith) come to know that what they were seeing was God Incarnate. Of course, those early Christians did not see the divine nature of Jesus as it is in itself (such a vision would have destroyed them) but, realizing finally that Jesus was God, they could have a memory of how "God" acted among humans and then pass that memory on to future generations. Only by becoming human could God become a visible part of history and the history revealed in the life of Christ shows a God who cures the sick, rages against the unrepentant wicked, embraces the poor, and forgives sinners. Through the dramatic event of God becoming human and talking and walking and listening to humans, God demonstrated (and not simply declared) how much he valued humanity and indeed, how much he loved each and every human being. (The Trinity, 13.10.13; Catechizing the Uninstructed, 4.8; Sermon 57, 13)

Moreover, only by becoming a human being could Jesus-God establish himself as the perfect mediator between God and man. (Enchiridion, 28.108) No longer could humanity despair because of the immense distance between themselves and their God. Their God in the person of Jesus Christ had become one of them. (Sermon 313E, # 1; Sermon 156, 5) Through his death and resurrection he gave every human being the hope that they too would survive death. (Sermon 242A, 1; Sermon 262, 1)

Through his Incarnation, Jesus-God not only gives us knowledge of "What God is like". He also shows the way to union with God. He does this by providing the divine help (the grace) which helps us to keep on the right path and to recover when (inevitably) we fail. He also gives directions about how we should act through the two commandments: "Love God above all" and "Love other humans as ourselves". And even more wonderfully, he then gives an example of what such a life of love should look like. By living our human life he gives us an example of how to live so as to eventually become united with God. As Augustine writes:

He wanted to give an example to the healthy that they might persevere in their sinless life. He wanted to give an example to those sick with sin how they might recover through remorse. Through his dying he wanted to give an example to those facing death so that they might not fear it so much. He wanted to give an example through his resurrection so that humans would believe that they too would rise again.

The Trinity, 7.3.5

But how did Christ exemplify the life we should live? First of all he lived a life of detachment from this earth. He lived in poverty with his family for his first 30 years and then in his last three years he literally "had no place to lay his head." There was no "apostolic center" which he owned and to which he could return to at the end of his missionary journeys. Throughout the last three years of his life he was "homeless", wandering the roads of Israel depending on the kindness of others to supply the bread and bed he needed each night. He was the paradigm of the "pilgrim nation" that was and is the human race. His life gave the following message to all humanity:

No matter how much you claim to own, no matter how much earthly wealth you have, you are in the process of moving beyond it. You may live rich but you will die poor, leaving behind whatever worldly goods you have been able to accumulate in your short span of earthly life.

As Augustine remarks:

Christ the Lord, when he became a human being, made little of earthly things in order to show us that we should make little of them. He chose to endure all the pains of being human which we endure so that we might not seek our happiness in earthy goods nor fear to be made unhappy when we must give them up.

On Catechizing the Uninstructed, 40

Specifically Christ "made little of earthly things" by turning his back on many of the goods that humans spend their time living and dying for. In the words of Augustine:

Some humans harmed themselves by their thirst for the pleasures of wealth; Christ chose to be poor. Others yearned for honors and power; Christ refused to be named a king. Some dedicated their whole lives only to family and children; he chose to live the life of a solitary. The proud became enraged when insulted; he endured every kind of insult. Some regarded any injury to themselves to be intolerable; he suffered the ultimate injury by being condemned and executed unjustly. Others regarded any physical pain as a curse; he allowed himself to be flogged and tormented. Many feared death; he was condemned to death. Some thought crucifixion to be the most appalling sort of death; he allowed himself to be crucified. In these and many other ways the life that Jesus chose taught us how to live our own lives.

On true religion, 31-32.

Christ's life was also an example to us of the charity that should dominate our lives. It is no good to be "detached" from things if we turn our back on other humans and God. Detachment from this world is important only because it is a necessary pre-condition for loving more perfectly. It is useless for us to give up "things" if we are not prepared to echo Christ's words to the Father in the Garden of Gethsemane "Thy will be done." It is useless for us to give up "things" if we deny our affection to other human beings.

The danger of detachment by itself is that it can lead to pride. Rather than freeing us to look up to God, it may tempt us to look down on others whom we consider less virtuous than we are. It is for this reason that the third lesson Christ's life teaches is a lesson in humility. It is certainly true that the core of his instruction on how to live was centered around a charity for others resting on a detachment from things, but his life showed also that these great good qualities must rest on a healthy humility.

Christ was born as a poor man, lived a life as a homeless person, submitted himself to punishment for a crime he did not commit not simply to give an example of detachment. He wanted to show human beings who had fallen and who continued to fall through pride that they must have a spirit of humility if they are ever to come to true love and possession of God. Even in everyday life charity rests on humility. In order to love and respect others we must appreciate their value. When that appreciation is lacking all sorts of crimes against love result. We "bully" others because in some way we consider ourselves to be better than they are. We have prejudice against others because we have come to believe that somehow or other we are a higher class of human beings than they are. In families torn apart by violence and dispute, very often it is because someone thinks that only they have the right answers, only they have the power and ability to make decisions.

If Adam had not thought himself divine, he would not have tarnished his humanity. If humans thereafter had not come to believe that they were gods, they would never have lost their way to God. We must have detachment to be free to move ahead on our pilgrimage. We must have charity to possess the force that will move us towards our heavenly goal. But we must have humility lest our love become perverted into an arrogant love of self. As Augustine writes:

The way of humility comes only from Christ. It is the way demonstrated by him who, though he was most high, came to earth in humility. What else but humility did he teach us by humbling himself and becoming obedient even to death, even to the death of the cross? (Philippians, 2:8) What else did he tach us by paying a debt he did not owe in order to release us from debt? What else did he teach us, this Jesus-God who was baptized though sinless, crucified though innocent? What else did he teach us, but this same humility? It is by such humility that we draw near to God because the Lord is close to those who have bruised hearts. (Psalm 34:19)

Commentary on Psalm 31/2, 18

Augustine's discovery that Jesus was not only a human being to be revered but a God to be worshipped and followed, was the source of the hope that gave him strength through the rest of his long life. He still became depressed when he saw the state of the world in which he lived. He still suffered exhaustion from his day after day labors as teacher and mentor and judge. But despite the ongoing turmoil in his life, he was able to encourage his friends (and himself) with such hope-filled words as the following:

We are on our way to see the Christ who is God, and the Christ who shares our humanity is the way through which we go. We are going to him and we are going through him. Why then should any of us fear becoming lost?

Sermon 123, 1 & 3.

And again:

Christ has become our way. How can we despair of reaching our goal? This is a way that cannot be closed or blocked. It cannot be destroyed by rain and floods. We cannot be ambushed by bandits on this road. So walk on securely in Christ! Walk on! Take care not to stumble and fall; do not look back; do not stop on the road nor stray from it! If you take care to avoid traps along the way, you will certainly achieve your goal.

Sermon 170, 11; see On Christian Doctrine, 1.16

Through his passionate search for the answers to life, Augustine had discovered Jesus-God and through that discovery he found hope.

Back to Top

Back to Table of Contents