Loving A Hidden God

WAITING FOR THE WORD

We do not yet have the "full light" of God's presence. This is the reason for much of our suffering. We must put up with ourselves by ourselves and within ourselves. No one else has caused our suffering; its roots are in ourselves.

Commentary on psalm 37, 15.

The period of quiet listening, when as yet we have not received any clear knowledge of our next step, demands great patience as we "Wait for the Word". Of course, patience is required throughout our lives. Seldom to things turn out exactly as we would like them to be. Seldom do others act as we would like them to act. Life seems to be a series of "put up with's" rather than a placid enjoyment of "likes".

I believe that it is somewhat easier to "put up with" tardiness when we know what should be done, when we know that a confirming call will be made, when we know the direction that is to be taken and now must only wait for the game to begin. It is harder to be patient when the rules of the game have not yet been given, when we are listening in "darkness" with no assurance (but hope) that the "Word" will come. It is like waiting for a publisher to phone with a decision. You listen for the phone but have no certainty that there will ever be an answer. When you know that your "great work" is to be published it is easier to sit by the phone and patiently wait for the call giving specifics about the process. Then, you at least know that the phone will ring sometime. There is no question that there is someone out there with the answers and that in their own good time they will tell you what is needed to get on with your life. When you listen in darkness over a long period of time, you begin to wonder if the phone will ever work, whether there will ever be someone on the other end who knows enough and cares enough to tell you what to do. It is hard to "Wait for the Word" when you have heard no word before.

I have to believe that Dismas had such an experience. He spent a lifetime "waiting for the phone to ring" but only got "The Word" dying on the cross next to Jesus "The Word". We don't know if Dismas did anything good in his life before his last hours. But whatever happened to him before, by a grace of coincidence and conversion he was in the physical presence of the suffering Jesus as he died. He felt sympathy for the dying stranger and at last came to believe that God was near. Then, perhaps for the first time in his life, he began to hope. In those last moments of belief and hope he must have realized that God had been with him and in him through all of his wasted years. It was not that God was absent; he had just wanted to wait to tell Dismas face to face what he needed to know. God had patience with Dismas and Dismas must have had patience too. Through all his wandering years he seems never to have given up hope as he waited in his darkness for the gentle Word of God.

So too, the Old Testament saints must have had great patience as they "Waited for the Word", looking forward to the coming of God to earth, not knowing when or how or even if it would ever happen. As Augustine remarked, because of their patient waiting they were justified by a faith in the "Word" who was yet to come:

That which we know did occur, they believed would occur.

On Patience, 21.18

The same persistence in waiting for a yet unknown "Word" is demonstrated in Augustine's own life. Except for a brief bout with skepticism, he never stopped listening for the words that would give him direction. He patiently pursued Christ, the "Word", even when he was not exactly sure who he was. He listened to the words of his mother, his friends. He read the works of the great philosophers. He heard the sermons of Ambrose and listened to stories about Christian heroes, patiently waiting for forceful words from within telling him to make a decisive change. Only after 30 years of patient listening did he hear those words: a voice telling him to "take up and read" words from St. Paul, words which told him that now was the moment for his full conversion to Christ.

Such patient listening for the "Word" becomes even more difficult when our listening is not peaceful, when we are subject to disaster after disaster, when we are surrounded by the curses of our enemies and the whining of those we love. Augustine believed that the classic example of this was Job in the Old Testament:

From head to foot, Job burned with pain, worms swarmed in his flesh and pus oozed out of his infected body. His wife was there but she brought no help. Rather, she berated and cursed God for what was happening to her husband (and to her) Friends came, not to console him in his misfortune but to express suspicions. They did not believe that he, suffering so grievously, was innocent. But Job, enduring pains in his diseased body and pains in his wounded heart, reprimanded his wife for her foolishness and taught his friends wisdom. In all circumstances he did not lose his patience.

On Patience, 12.9

Augustine believed that it was Job's patient waiting and listening in his darkness that eventually saved him:

If that holy man had not been endowed with patience, he would not have endured so staunchly all those things that happened to him. How would he then have earned the testimonial which the Lord gave him? The Lord said:

Have you noticed my servant Job? There is nobody like him on earth, a man without reproach, a true worshiper of God. (Job 1.8)

How much he suffered! Who could ever endure so much, in his property, in his family, in his children, in his very flesh, in this wife of his who tempted him to curse God? Because of his great patience he was able to declare:

The Lord has given, the Lord has taken away; as it pleased the Lord, so has it come about; may the Lord's name be blessed. (Job 1.21)

Sermon 398, 10

Augustine believed that in Job was more heroic than his ancestor, Adam. Both were tempted by Satan: Adam, to disobey God; Job, to blaspheme and curse God. The fact that Adam gave into the temptation while Job did not suggests it is sometimes harder to hear the voice of God in good times than in bad times. Augustine reflected on this paradox:

As you know, brothers, Adam in paradise, scorned God's commandment and held his hand high, as if desiring to possess power of his own and unwilling to be subject to God's will. He was defeated by the devil. As a result he lost his immortality and his perfect life. Now Job, well practiced in living in an imperfect world, knowing he was destined to die, sitting in dung, wormy and oozing pus, was able to defeat the devil. Humanity, defeated in Paradise, conquered on the dung-heap. When Adam had been joyful, he listened to the devil; when Job was beaten down he defeated the devil.

Commentary on the First Epistle of John, 4.3

But why is it that such good men as Job and Augustine (and yes, Dismas) were put through so much? Why did it take him so long to finally hear the blessing of God on their lives? One obvious answer is that the good must put up with a lot when they live in the midst of others who are not so good. The very goodness of Job probably attracted the critical attitude of his friends. His patience with his suffering also probably increased the impatience of his wife with him. When a person stands mute as evil swirls around him, there is the temptation to curse him for being an unfeeling "lump" or worse still, a passive fool. Job's wife was affected by the passion of the activist facing those who meekly accept their fate. She had a variant form of "road rage": an anger at seeing others lie quietly on the road of life as others roll past and over him.

As might be expected Augustine gave a more religious explanation for Job's troubles and in general to the perennial question "Why do bad things happen to good people?" He told his parish congregation:

Sometimes people are unknown to themselves and quite unaware of what they may be capable of. They either think they can do more than in fact they can do and so they must be shown that they can't do it yet. Or they may despair of themselves and think they cannot endure whatever it may be; and they are shown that in fact they can. When they have an immoderately good opinion of themselves, they are given a lesson in humility and when they think they are broken reeds, they are rescued from despair.

Sermon 20B, 8

A further reason why good people are sometimes called upon to "Wait for the Word" over many years, is because God wants them to become missionaries to those who are still in the midst of their search. An example of this can be found in Augustine's life. Sometime after his conversion, he wrote the following words to those who had been his friends when he had been a practicing Manichean:

Let those rant against you who do not know how much effort is needed to discover the truth and how hard it is to avoid error. Let those curse you who do not know how rare and hard it is for someone seeking the serenity of a pious mind to overcome the violent temptations of the flesh. Let those belittle you who do not know with what sighs and groans even the smallest bit of understanding about God is achieved. And, last of all, let those condemn you who have never been captured by such an error as now afflicts you.

Against the Fundamental Letter of Mani, 2.2

If Augustine had not gone through his nine years of Manicheanism perhaps he would not have been so understanding of others who were still in the midst of their search. After "Waiting for the Word" over so many years, Augustine could hope and pray that someday that Word would be heard by those who were still wandering.

The great mystery of our lives is that the reason why God allows turmoil in our lives, why he sometimes seems to be playing "hide and seek" with us, is because of his love for us. The reason why God allowed Dismas to wait so long for conversion, the reason why he allowed Augustine to wander so far before finding the truth about himself and God, the reason why he allowed Job to suffer so much to prove his virtue, was that he loved all of them so much. And so too, it is because of his love for us and what he wants us to accomplish for others, that it is sometimes necessary for us to wait for a long time before his Word calls us out of our darkness. We are stronger than we think we are and God wants to prove that to us by calling upon reserves of patience that we never imagined we had. He wishes to teach us that we will need such patience to accomplish the our search for the God who is still hidden. The patience demanded of us now as we "Wait for the Word" is a preparation for what lies ahead.

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